Reducing Anxiety and Worry the Lady Killer Way

admin — Tue, 18 Jun 2013 17:51:52 +0000

Wouldn’t it be great if our feelings were like the soldiers on a battlefield? Soldiers are trained to follow orders and are commanded by a superior. When ordered to do something or go somewhere, the fighting men loyally do as they are directed, even in the face of mortal danger. Unfortunately for us, our feelings are not like soldiers and cannot be commanded, nor can they be controlled by will-power. We are usually incapable of selecting what feeling we want to experience at any given moment, especially when they are unpleasant ones like anxiety, fear, sadness, or loneliness. However there is a clever way to change our feelings without trying to forcibly kick out the negative mood. It’s based on what suave lady-killers do every time they meet an attractive woman. They woo her. In the same way, positive feelings can be wooed and invited back to the apartment of your mind. The negative feelings might still be there but the new positivity will soon begin to dispel them. The bad vibes will then find themselves with increasingly little room in which to manoeuvre. Just as night follows day, so too do feelings follow our mental images. What you conjure up in your mind creates a related feeling, whether the thought is realistic or not. Our subconscious minds do not discriminate between an actual event and an imagined event. So how does one woo a positive feeling? You can’t buy ‘happiness’ or ‘relaxation’ a drink but you can take them home. Fill your mind with positive images whenever a negative feeling arises. Rather than trying to focus on the anxiety or the sadness, and trying desperately to get rid of them, direct your attention to images portraying the exact opposite of what you’re feeling. Think of the little child learning to ride a bicycle. He becomes so focused on avoiding a bench or fire hydrant that he ends up riding right into it in a state of paralysed panic. If he’d kept his focus on the path ahead, he would have been fine. A similar thing occurs when we keep our mind on the source of our negative feelings. The more we frantically try to drag our worries kicking and screaming out of our consciousness, the more we become preoccupied with the negativity within ourselves. This causes more worries to materialize and even if we manage to get rid of one bad feeling, more come to take its place. A mental chamber of constant negativity invites the most unfortunate of thoughts. The more we practice a skill, the better we become at it. Worry is a skill, albeit a detrimental one. Worriers worry because they have become extremely proficient in imagining worse-case scenarios. The effort of trying to stop worrying can be significant and this leaves people frustrated and in an even bigger state of anxiety and despondency. Tension is present in both the worry itself and all attempts to get rid of the worry. It’s like trying to get a spider off your back if you’re arachnophobic. As with all habits, worry can be broken. By immediately substituting worrying thoughts with happier thoughts, without trying to force the accompanying negative feelings out of your mind, you can woo positive feelings to cross the threshold. In the same way as a ship’s bell signals a new duty shift, so too can the appearance of negative thoughts and feelings signal the need to immediately switch to positive mental imagery. This will in time reduce worry and the feelings that go with it by creating a positive stimulus for practicing ‘non-worry’, which will become instinctive. Our imaginations are limitless. We also have a vast warehouse of memories we have collected over a lifetime. This gives us innumerable mental images with which to play with when negativity comes knocking. Just as we select which CD to play when listening to music, we can also choose whether to engage in positive or negative thinking. Changing thoughts is a lot easier than changing feelings. By choosing more appropriate mental images, you will be wooing more relaxing, happier, healthier and fulfilling feelings to enthusiastically enter your mind. This will increase mental well-being, emotional balance, and even things like productivity and decision making. Negative feelings will end up slinking silently out of the backdoor. Deal with feelings the lady-killer way and see your happiness and relaxation levels increase. Stephen Joseph is the tranquil mind behind Outsmart Anxiety, a website devoted to helping anxiety sufferers find ways to reduce and banish inappropriate fear and panic from their lives.

The post Reducing Anxiety and Worry the Lady Killer Way appeared first on Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement.

Continue reading →

Need an Emotional Buffer? Try These Fast Grounding Techniques

admin — Mon, 17 Jun 2013 12:04:56 +0000

Have you ever been through a chaotic emotional time, that you felt like you´re about to lose your mind? Ever felt that you would "Cry out!", or "act crazy!?" That the situation you are living seems to be pulling you apart in every direction? I have felt emotional chaos, various times, and I can tell you, it is despairing. I have felt the emotional abyss, and I guess that everybody that has felt it and the emotional void, has the need for an emotional buffer. During any emotional chaos, what you need is to stay centered, focused, to be in charge, even if you don´t have control of the situation. Think of a General in a battle field, but in reality, we may act incoherently, with zero rational behavior, dispersed and unfocused. This usually happens because your physiology is going crazy in a big rush of hormones and neurotransmitters, and your body is preparing to: fight, freeze or flight. When the dangerous situation is real; great! This will help you deal with the situation. If the dangerous situation is non existent; you have a problem. You might be having some type of Anxiety Disorder. The thing is, that we all go through difficult situations, and ever once in a while, we need to feel anchored to something, or someone. What you need during these difficult times is grounding. According to Josephine Ferraro, LCSW - NYC Psychotherapist:

"We all go through difficult times at various points in our lives. Often, these are times when we can't control what is going on around us. All we can do during these times is to try to stay emotionally grounded to maintain our physical, mental and emotional well being. How each of us does that is a very individual process, and it helps to know or, at least, be willing to find out, what is helpful to you, in particular, to stay emotionally grounded."

So what is grounding? In electricity, a device is “grounded” when it is connected to the ground so it allows excess energy to leave the system. We may be emotionally grounded when our energies and emotions move through our grounded body and the excess of them get discharged to the ground. This helps us to maintain our center, and to cope with difficult situations. a) Physical Techniques Get your feet on the ground Grounding may start with you simply getting in touch with the ground. For this you have to take off your shoes. Start by being aware of the ground when your feet touch it. You may stay in a spot just feeling the ground, and imagine that with each breath your "energy" goes down to the ground. You may even feel energy going through your body and into the ground. You may want to take some steps and feel-walk the ground. This is great if you are at the beach, or at some lawn, but you may do it wherever you are, and doesn´t matter the type of floor. Hug a Tree Hugging a tree is a very fast grounding experience. When you are hugging the tree, you could think how deep the roots are, and try to feel them with your imagination. Hug Someone else When you hug someone else your energy bodies interact with each other. Excess energy may be worked and equalized between both bodies. Energy interaction and exchange between people happens at the center of the body. For example the eyes, mouth (face region), chest area, solar plexus and genital area. The hands may transfer energy. This is why people that love each other, usually look in the eyes, kiss, and touch the chest and genital areas. Holding of the hands also shows a loving gesture. Meditate Meditation techniques are great for grounding. You may want to sit in a Lotus position (If you can...) I can´t, so I usually sit with my legs crossed, or in a Japanese "Seiza" Position. If you want to meditate siting on a chair, you must sit upright and straight. Your back must be away from the back of the chair. Your feet flat on the floor, and your arms may be placed on your legs, palms turned upward, or your hands placed close to your abdomen, and your palms placed one on top of the other, both facing upwards, but your left hand on top of your right hand. Breathe in; count one. Hold your breath; two. Breathe out; three. Start over... concentrating on your breaths, and count. If a thought comes to your attention, dismiss it, and start again counting. You may try to do this exercise while your waiting in line at the supermarket, or waiting at the doctor´s office, washing dishes, etc. Here your creativity is the limit. Yoga Yoga positions, or Asanas, are great for grounding. For a fast grounding using yoga, you may choose Asanas that require you to find balance in off-balance positions or comfort in uncomfortable positions. b) Mental Exercises for grounding I´ve already mentioned Meditation. I presented it as a physical medium for grounding because of the awareness it gives of the body touching the ground, or interacting with it. Mindfulness As Psychology Today expresses:

"Mindfulness is a state of active, open attention on the present. When you're mindful, you observe your thoughts and feelings from a distance, without judging them good or bad. Instead of letting your life pass you by, mindfulness means living in the moment and awakening to experience."

A simple, yet effective, Mindfulness exercise is to pay attention to your body and how it interacts with the environment. For example, if you are sitting down, observe the weight of your body on the chair, or observe how your feet´s sole interacts with the floor, and try to feel each finger touching the floor, just observe, be mindful to the interaction. The Altered State or "Flow" Experience Csikszentmihalyi, one of the developers of Positive Psychology, discusses that a person may be in a "Flow" Experience if:

"He is completely involved in an activity, whether it be chess, rock climbing, the arts, dance, or anything else, often experiences certain subjective feelings called the "flow state." The flow state is a feeling of unified flowing from one moment to the next in which the person is in control of his/her actions and in which there is little distinction between self and environment, past, present, and future, stimulus or response. While in the flow state, the person usually does not think of him/herself as being separate from what he/she is doing."

What this means is that if you love doing an activity, and you practice it to the point of losing distinction of time, the self and the environment, then you are grounding yourself, and centering the self by doing what you love. I hope these grounding techniques help you to center during difficult emotional times. Let me know what you think about the techniques or if you have another grounding technique please comment on it! It would help us to center ourselves. Carlos is a Psychology Professor in a local university in El Salvador, a psychotherapist, creator of HandLink Technique (Energy Psychology), blogger, musician, and host of Sight For Sore Eyes Blog. Continue reading →

Can’t Keep up? 15 Ways to Simplify Your Morning Routine

admin — Fri, 14 Jun 2013 04:37:08 +0000

It can become pretty stressful, right? Every morning we have to struggle to get ourselves ready, get everything done and be out the door on time. And not to mention what it's like if you have kids as well who just want to play around :-) How would you like to start you day stress-free, happy and empowered by a new day? Wouldn't that just change not only the quality of your mornings, but also the quality of your life? I just think that many of us haven't realized what the true benefits of a great morning can be. There is a very powerful Chinese saying that goes something like this (freely translated by me...):

"Springtime is the most important part of the year because it makes it possible for a great harvest in the fall and plenty of food in the winter. Morning is the most important part of the day because it makes it possible for great accomplishments in the day and relaxed sleep during the night."

So if you're spending the first hour of every new day rushing and stressing, then that's pretty much how the rest of your day will look like as well. You see, you've set the tone for your way of life. With this mind I would simply like to propose 15 small ways you can use to improve and simplify your morning routine. Here goes...

1. Prepare your breakfast

Having breakfast is for most people the biggest part of their morning routine, and it can be a real stress inducer. It usually takes quite some time to make it and with our head still half-asleep it can be a bit tricky to make the process smooth. So all I do is to simply prepare myself for breakfast. For example, if you have different breakfasts during the week, then write a schedule so you know once you wake up. And if you're going to set the table, use a mnemonic of the items you need or even place them out the evening before. In short, do whatever you can to make the breakfast as automatic as possible.

2. Lay out your clothes

You know why - it just saves time and minimizes stress in your morning routine.

3. Use a bathroom schedule

In case you are several people and only one bathroom in the morning, then I really recommend having some sort of schedule in place. It might sound boring and old-school, but it really works to avoid a lot of stress induced waiting.

4. Set a to-go alarm

I always have a second alarm at 8.00 in the morning. That's the time I want to be out the door. By every day noticing this exact time I can easily see how I'm doing versus my wanted position and adjust something when needed.

5. Write down your morning routine

It doesn't hurt to take 10 minutes right now just to write down how your morning routine actually looks like. You might find out that it's all very chaotic and random. So now you have the opportunity to design your very own way of starting each day. How would it be?

6. Jump out of bed

In essence, snoozing is bad for your morning routine and I bet you know that already. The single most efficient way to remove this type of behavior is to practice, practice, practice. And I mean practice while being awake. You want to make the process of getting out of bed as automatic as possible so you won't even have to think about how tired you are when the alarm goes off. So go to bed, right now, set the timer for 5 minutes and pretend that you're sleeping. Then as soon as you hear the alarm, jump out of bed. Then repeat. At least 5 times for the upcoming days. Just trust me, it will pay off.

7. Let the sunshine in

By opening the curtains and getting some light you will notice how much easier it is to really wake your body up and get energetic. And energy and well-being are both good remedies against stress.

8. Get pumped up and smile

But getting some sun might not be enough. Why not really get excited? For me at least, there's no better way than changing my physiology. By stretching myself tall, extending my back, breathing from the top of my lungs and putting on a big smile it's virtually impossible to try to not be happy and excited. Try changing your state and see if you can still be tired and stressed.

9. Skip the TV

If you want to make your mornings as calm and comfortable as possible, then try leaving the TV turned off for once. Having the TV on in the background just steals both your focus and your time. Don't worry, you will find out what the latest news is quite soon anyway.

10. Ignore your phone

Same goes for your phone as with your TV. Just postpone checking your emails and don't let that new app steal your focus - it will just make your newly awakened mind cluttered.

11. Turn on the music

I am talking about some soothing and relaxing music that will get you all relaxed and down to earth. As you go about your things, follow the rhythm of the music and just let it flow through your body.

12. Have fun

No one can feel bad while having fun. I strongly urge you to make your morning routine a bit more fun and include some activity that you know gets you motivated. If you get to spend some time doing what you really love, that can really make all your other must-dos feel much simpler. Your worries will just go away and you can build on the excitement from having fun. You know what hobby gets you going, so just see if you can include it in your morning routine.

13. Breathe

What's the ultimate way to bring yourself back to reality? To breathe. What's the best way to calm yourself down? To breathe. What's the most powerful way to simplify your morning routine? To just take some time to focus on your breathing. To accomplish all of this, I like to do a small exercise. It goes like this:

Breathe in for 2 counts
Hold your breath for 8 counts
Breathe out for 4 counts

Then repeat that for 8-10 times. It's simple, right? But if really does good for both your body and your mind. In short, it helps to cleanse your body and it gets your mind focused and clutter-free.

14. Wake up early

To avoid putting any pressure on you, I have waited all the way until point number 14 before mentioning this. But we all know it's one of the most efficient ways to improve a morning routine. Nowadays, when I wake up at 4 a.m., I have all the time in the world to do what's most important in my day before heading off to work. I can barely remember the time when I had to eat breakfast in a rush. It just makes everything so much simpler to have the time to focus on myself for a few hours before the normal hectic day begins.

15. Plan your day

If you manage to have a relaxed and simple morning routine, then why not bring that into the rest of your day as well? At least you can try. Just sit down for 5-10 minutes and write down what your main goal and most important tasks are for the upcoming day. Just getting it down on paper will usually make it easier much easier to stay on target and avoid useless worrying. These 15 ways to simplify your morning routine can actually do much more than that. If you try some of these methods and really take your morning seriously (serious as in important, not as in making it like work) you might find that you're taking back a little bit control of your life. Remember, you are the designer of your days and creator of your habits so I wish you all relaxed and joyful mornings! This guest post is contributed by Matthew M. McEwan from Early-Riser.com. His blog is loaded with ideas for how to have an awesome morning routine. He also just started the brand new site 80Words.com - Where change happens fast and each article is only 80 words. You can also Follow him on Twitter.

The post Can’t Keep up? 15 Ways to Simplify Your Morning Routine appeared first on Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement.

Continue reading →